It is winter in Aurobin. The cold is a welcome change from the constant flames in the City of Brass. I wish to forget that damned city as soon as possible. It has been hard to gather my thoughts since the events that took place in the past week, but I need to get this out.
I have killed a great many creatures: monsters, animals, a cruelly high number of sentient beings… but until last week, it had always been in defense of another, or an act of justice. This time, it was for the sake of convenience. The sultan of the City of Brass lies dead at our hands. We gained his trust and betrayed him, all for a key to a vault. What disturbs me most, though, is that I do not regret it. Presented with the same situation again, I would not have acted any differently. We did it to destroy a Sephiroth. Perhaps I am just becoming the Gray Guard I was meant to be.
That being said, I am no longer a knight of the Raven Queen. Upon our arrival in Aurobin, we were greeted by Grandis’s father, who had been made High Priest of the Church of the Raven Queen. He deceived us, tried to mold us to some old prophecy, stole the tome, and died for it on my blade. I left my holy symbol on his body. I have been a tool of the gods for too long. My first thought was that Avandra would always and forever hold my loyalty, but even she used us to correct her mistakes. Nobody- not my father, not the Raven Queen- will use me again. Their servants will forsake their gods or they will die.
Poor Avandra… she has passed on. I feel no ire for her. Though I now consider her as more of an equal than a goddess, even though I was her tool, I am sad to hear of her passing. Perhaps it’s for the best. I’m sure she would be ashamed of what I have become.
My sleep has been troubled lately. I see nightmares almost every night- visions of Durtha laughing maniacally as we are drawn into darkness; images of my wife and daughter lying dead at my father’s feet. I would pray for their safety, but I no longer have faith that any god would help without taking something from us. My friends and I must put an end to this madness with our own power.
Power… my powers continue to work for some reason. I am godless, but I can still fight like I used to. My power has certainly changed (I do not know why), but it has grown. I am stronger than I ever was while serving Avandra, or even the Raven Queen. I do not know where this power comes from. It feels different than channeling the power of the divines; more intimate, more real. In any case, I will continue to use it to bring down my father. For vengeance, for Aurobin… for Miriel and Nyleena. I vow to make this world safe again.